It's all a game 🎲

The "What if" game

Have you ever played the "what if" game? I am sure you have. All of us have at one point of time. In fact most of us play it every single day. 

You may ask, Mehak what is the "what if" game?

I am glad you asked! What if game is the game that we play with our minds, almost on a daily basis, creating imaginary situations and finding hypothetical solutions to them. The best part about this game is that we can play it with both the past and the future scenarios. 

For example: What if I waited a few more months before breaking up? What if I took up that job offer that I rejected? What if I studied more in school? etc are examples of past scenarios. Whereas, What if I get fired? What if my partner cheats on me? What if they judge me for what I say? These are future scenarios. 

Look how fascinating this game is where we even find hypothetical solutions to our hypothetical issues. 

Let me give you my own examples. I used to work for a renowned OTT platform in India about two years ago. I quit the job after three months of being with the company and moved back to my native place. Moving back to a small town after living in the city of dreams (Mumbai) was hard and everyday I started questioning myself on my choice and wondered- "What if I had not quit my job?" 

A couple of things to note here: 

1: The deal is done, job is already gone. There is not much I can do about it in the present except hurt my mind and body thinking about what could have happened if I chose otherwise

2: I am completely ignoring the reasons of me leaving the job. My mind is filtering information and focusing on my boredom now instead of the fact that I did not like the work environment in my previous job

3: I am wasting my minds capacity and energy in my past instead of learning from it and planning a better future

4: I am imagining a fake happy scenario in case I was still working in that company instead of remembering how tired and insecure that job made me. 

Our mind is capable of doing this. It tends to live in a hypothetical situation instead of living in the present. And guess what? Those situations are not even making us feel better. I mean when you go to watch a movie, you expect to come out happy and satisfied with the content right? But in your own mind's movie, you are ending up feeling worse about the hero (yourself). How is this making sense?

The effects of the "What if" game?

This can lead to overthinking which in turn leads to headaches, insomnia, anger, guilt, depression, lack of energy etc to name a few. 

What can be done?

• Focus on why you made a decision in the past instead of focusing on what could have happened if you decided differently
• If you think you made a mistake, make sure to learn from it and avoid it in the future
• Use these warnings of your brain to be better prepared for the future. For example: If you are worried about losing your job, start saving
• Take a chance- Life is nothing without risks. It is said that sometimes the hardest choices we make end up being the best thing we could have ever done for ourselves

                                                

• Weigh your options- Calculate the worse thing and the best thing that can happen if your "What if" actually comes true and then be prepared for both. Any result in between wont be as hard to accept then

• Change the rules of your game- Above is a list of a few "what if" questions. Will you be willing to invest your time and energy thinking about these all day? No right? The questions seem so silly and totally not relatable to our lives. Similarly, life is uncertain, in fact we do not know what will happen to us the next day or even the next minute, then why waste time thinking about the hypothetical future? Instead, frame your questions for the present. These questions will actually matter and make a difference to our lives

A few examples of present "What if's"

• Change the game- There is a beautiful observation that I read in the book - "A monk who sold his Ferrari" by Robin Sharma. It says that our mind is able to hold only one thought at a time, so try to consciously change your negative thought to a positive one. Change your "What if" thought to a gratitude thought. It can make you feel better instantly. 

"What if" and Covid-19

Background story

As a kid, I had a fear of needles. Whenever my parents used to take me for blood tests or vaccinations, I used to start crying before the needle even touched my skin. I used to imagine a very painful scenario in my head and when the actual scenario took place, it was nowhere close to that pain in my head. This made me realise that our minds have the power to magnify situations which in turn creates fear for something which is not even supposed to be painful/unbearable. I have kept this learning pinned to my head now to overcome my fear of needles. 

A recent picture of me getting injected

Similarly, but on a much larger scale, in these difficult times that our country is facing, the what if game has the power to destroy a person. 

We all must have noticed that all the physical illnesses have the capacity to start or expand because of negative mental thoughts. Thinking about what would happen instead of what is actually happening is a mistake most of us are making even while dealing with Covid. Since, I have not experienced it first-handedly, I am sharing below the experiences of my friends and family who went through it. 

A family member of mine faced a similar situation where he said that his symptoms were not very severe but he developed a negative mindset and since then has started getting scared of being alone. The isolation and the probably the thought "What if I am always alone?" made him manifest these fears.

On the contrary, a friend of mine took a beautiful step to keep her Covid-positive parents away from the negativity of the society. She disconnected their phones to shut them from sympathetic calls and fake Whatsapp forwards and saw improvements in them in just 4 days (with the help of nutritious food and medicine ofcourse). 

Often people around us have an impact on the "what-if's" in our minds. For example: There was a whatsapp rumour that circulated which said that women on periods should not get vaccinated. Now the women who did might have developed a fear- "What if the rumour is true?" This can create panic. Best way is to ignore these sources and trust only verified sources for information.

I also believe that a Covid patient with a strong mental state will be able to recover much faster than a negative minded person. If an 60-year patient gets Covid and people feed in his mind that due to his age his recovery is impossible, his mind and fear can kill him even before Covid does. 

One such example!

A few things to learn here- 

1) Do not believe in unverified sources and Whatsapp forwards  

2) Do not spread these rumours based on word of mouth or Whatsapp. Be the one to block this chain of misinformation

3) A positive mindset can aid in recovery

My Fear of Covid-19

When one of the people I was in contact with was detected positive, my mind started showing me all the symptoms which were not actually present in my body. Fear did this to me. I developed fever and pain in my throat assuming that I might be positive too. In panic, I started popping pills and taking vitamins as prescribed to the actual Covid patients. To my surprise, it all went away as soon as I got my negative report. This was my own experience with the fear of Covid-19. 

Our mind has the capacity to make or break us. In fact a lot of doctors are also advising to keep calm and not let fear get the best of us. Fear has the capability to make the symptoms look far bigger than they are. 

(Please note that I am nowhere encouraging not to take doctors consultations/advices or ignore actual Covid symptoms)

How can PLRT help?

As mentioned in my previous blog, PLRT is nothing but finding answers to the questions that lie deeply rooted in your subconscious mind. So if you are unable to use the methods mentioned above and there are still certain "What if's" stuck in your mind that are preventing you from living happily, you can use PLRT to dig deep into your mind and find its answers and then finally let the thought go and focus on your present instead. 

Do let me know a few "What if's" that you are facing on mmansukhani0@gmail.com, just to share the load. Wishing you all a very positive Sunday 😊

It is never enough (and it will never be!)

What is insecurity?

The definition of insecurity by Google is as follows- “Feeling uncertain or anxious about oneself”

Literally the word itself says that your "in" is not "secure". You feel unsafe and when you are not safe from inside, how can you expect to live a happy life? 

My story:

As a child, I used to always ask God- "Why am I so fat?" "Why is my hair so curly?" "What have I done to deserve acne all over my face?" "Why me?" etc etc. The list went on. To anyone who knew me personally would have never even imagined that I felt so insecure and lonely as a child. We all are well aware of the saying:- "Grass is always greener on the other side". This is absolutely true. The most common perspective about me was that I have everything and lived like a princess, some might even be jealous of the luxuries that I enjoyed but baby Mehak chose to focus only on the negatives instead of the positives. 

As I grew up, feeding my brain with all the negativity for all those years, it added to my personality. I became under-confident of the way I looked. I was always shy to talk to new people or even ask questions in class. I wanted to be unnoticeable. Hide in the crowd. I accepted whatever came to my life without understanding the difference between right and wrong. I even got a tattoo which says "Love Yourself First". Did it make me love myself? Absolutely not. 

My "Love Yourself First" tattoo in Arabic language

My first past life regression at Amarantos made me realise that the battle I was fighting was that of feeling lonely, which happens to be feeling that I am carrying since previous lifetimes (which is a story for another time). 

When I told this to my friends, they ridiculed me. They said that I have everything and it is foolish for me to feel lonely and insecure. They were absolutely right, all I needed to do now was to explain this to myself. I needed to focus on the green grass that everyone else could see which was somehow blurry to my own eyes. So I decided to take some steps and focus on my blessings instead of my curses.

Every day since I realised what is preventing me from living a fuller life, I decided to make some changes. I started accepting me the way I am and even loving myself. How do I do that?

• I write a gratitude journal. I try to pen down the things that I am grateful for. It could be as simple as breathing or as big as owning my favourite car.

• I indulge in self-love activities such as having a cup of tea in the morning. That 10 minute tea-time in my balcony feels so joyful and complete and I do not want to miss it for the world.  
  
  
  
  
  
• I indulge in physical activities such as yoga which does not only have an impact on my physical wellbeing but plays a major role in making my day positive, active and happy. 
  
  
  

• I meditate. Recently, I learnt that science has proven that if you meditate straight for 8 weeks, it changes the structure of your brain. It brings clarity to your life, makes you more capable of facing your challenges and prevents you from outside negativity. 
  
  
  
• I feed useful information to my brain. Besides reading the news highlights, I try to read self help books that make me feel good about myself. 
  
  
  
• I am starting to filter my news feed. I believe anything that does not motivate me or adds to my knowledge, does not need space in my mind or my social media. For example- If I am not a person who works out, watching pictures and videos of fitness gurus are just going to make me feel bad about myself. I would rather fill my page with something that makes me happy such as musicians and get updated about their latest album. I want technology to be my friend, not my enemy.
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Outcomes

By making these little changes in my day to day life, I am learning to accept myself the way that I am. I am learning to be confident in my mind and body. I no longer compare myself to the smartest person I know or the hottest girl I came across. The element of jealousy is slowly fading away. It is a journey and I am yet to hit the destination but I am halfway there. I want to focus on becoming better than I was yesterday rather than killing myself trying to be like somebody else. 

In fact, once I started feeling better mentally, I noticed changes in my physique also. I lost weight and my skin looked much better. I recently read an article on Elle magazine which points the relation between stress and acne and I can second that thought now. I believe your mental instability has a huge impact on the way your body looks. 

There is a little bit of me in all of you!

As I started interacting with more and more people, I realised I am not the only one feeling this way. We are all sailing in the same boat. Believe it or not, that super hot girl from your class might be suffering from social anxiety; that smartest friend that you have, who seems to know it all, might also be the loneliest. Somebody with straight hair envys a curly-haired girl ; somebody with a skinny figure envys those chubby cheeks and vice versa. We are all never satisfied with what we have. What we have is never enough. 

How do we overcome this?

I urge you to look inside and find out what is it that bothers you and work on it. I found the cause of my insecurities in my PLRT sessions. Your methods might be different from mine and that is ok. Everyone is different which is why we are called individuals. The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. The only person who's opinion matters is "You". You do not need to care about what others think of you or rather what you think that others think of you. Focus on feeling good and it will change the things around you. You will be able to spread positivity to your near and dear ones only if you feel positive from inside. 

It's not supposed to be that complicated. "Log Kya Kahenge" is an orthodox concept. Move on. Focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. Work on the things that will make you feel complete. Work towards your goals. If you feel dumb, read. If you are bored, pick a hobby. As Elon Musk (founder, CEO, CTO, and chief designer of SpaceX) said- "you can learn anything you want for free". Internet is full of information, use it to your advantage!

Always remember, the answers all lie within you. Even during past life regression, the therapists job is merely to relax you enough so you can reflect inside and listen to your own mind. Regression helps bring your troubles and fears to the surface and then we work together to find solutions to those problems. Nobody knows what you need except you. Learn to listen to yourself and take steps to love yourself the way you are. This journey is very long and there is no fun in living a half-hearted life. 

Conclusion

To conclude, I would like to say- What we have is not enough in our perspective (and it will never be) but from someone else's perspective it is much more than we need. So, stop complaining, start living!

👉 E-mail me at mmansukhani0@gmail.com for any questions or just to share what's on your mind. I am always here to help :)

Mental Health and Children 👶

What age do we remember our childhood from? 3 years? 5 years? Or in some cases even later?

For me personally, my blurry first memories go back to play-school which should be around 3 years of age. Dancing on "If you're happy and you know clap your hands" and making a tree with "palm painting".

I became more confident about my memories from my 4th grade when I was 8 years old. Sitting under a tree and eating cheeselings during recess, watching "Tiny TV", going to my friends place to play with her new kitchen set after school etc. 

So what about those first 3 years of my life? If I do not even remember them, are they even important?

Ofcourse they are. In fact the ages of 0-7 is considered to be the most crucial ages for shaping up your entire life. The great Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.”

If a child is not given proper attention during their first seven years, they can be highly affected throughout their lives and face problems in later stages of their lives such as :

• behavioural issues
• low self-esteem
• lack a sense of belonging
• depression
• addictions etc to name a few

This is exactly why it is advised to spend maximum time with your child in these years to give them proper guidance and training cause this stays with them for life. These years can make or break them.

Usually, it is more likely for parents to face issues with their first child since they are new to the whole concept of parenthood. Taking up any new responsibility is challenging and we are bound to make mistakes in the beginning till we learn better. This is also true for the new roles as "Parents" which is why asking for help and guidance of professionals is highly recommended to give your child a healthy environment to grow in.  

I believe the education goes both ways. A newborn learns from his/her parents and also trains them in return which is why us second children are lucky and get well trained parents.

Recently, since the issues faced with new parents are being highlighted more and more, some schools are taking the initiative to come up with parental counselling which is a beautiful initiative to train new and young parents about how to contribute in the physical and mental growth and wellbeing of their children.

I once volunteered for a company called Toybank a few years ago. They work towards teaching underprivileged children using games in order to build their cognitive mind. They had a very beautiful quote. It said- "It is easier to build stronger Children than to repair broken men". Now we definitely know why. 

That was all about the importance of educating yourself and your family/friends before planning a family in order to prevent children from suffering at a later stage. 

Now, what if you are the person suffering from one of these symptoms? How do we work on that when you do not even remember that phase of your life?

Since Bollywood helps immensely in bringing topics of concern to awareness of the masses, I was very happy to see Dear Zindagi, a movie starring Alia Bhatt and Shah Rukh khan. This film is an amazing portrayal of the affect of a trauma faced in childhood in the adult life. Alia Bhatt, who faces abandonment issues in her adult life relationships traces back to the root cause of her problem which started when she was abandoned by her parents in her early stages of life. Well she had Shah Rukh khan to help her. What about you? 

I'll use some of the quotes from the movie to explain you what you can do in order to heal yourself.

The first step is to recognise the problem. Notice the pattern. It could probably be a certain fear or feeling of self doubt, insomnia or addiction to substance use. Sometimes it can be as basic as headaches. So bring to your awareness that you are facing a problem and decide to work on it.

The next step is to learn to express yourself. Go deeper into the problem. As Jay Shetty suggested in his book "Think Like A Monk" use the "Why Ladder". Keep questioning yourself. For example- Why are you scared of water? Why are you scared of expressing your feelings? Why do you feel angry all the time?Why can't you sleep? 

Once you start answering your questions you reach the root cause of your problems and then start releasing them. 

What people say or do stops bothering you. You live in a much peaceful manner and start attracting the same positivity that you reflect. 

How can PLRT assist in healing childhood traumas?

Past life does not just mean a life before this life, it can also be a part of this very life. Yesterday is also past for you today. Similarly, PLRT, or rather your subconscious mind has the ability to take you to a trauma that you faced in this lifetime. It could be last year, a decade ago, in your childhood or even in your mother's womb. It depends on where your problem actually lies. 

Yes, you read it right, sometimes it is possible that something you experienced when you were in your mothers womb affected you. Science has proven that there is something known as in-utero memory where a child starts registering things before its even born.

So what do the therapists do?  

There is something called as inner child healing that is used in such cases where the therapist guides its client to go to the time when he/she was a baby and talk about the experiences of those ages and how it affected the client. They make the client connect to their inner child and face the events that stayed with them and affect them negatively till date. 

I had a client who went back to the day she was born and her parents were holding her and she very vividly narrated the entire experience to me. It goes without saying that this memory was beyond her conscious memory.

Conclusion

In case of the movie- SRK, playing the role of a trained therapist, could heal the inner child in Alia and cure her issues such as insomnia, nightmares, relationship with parents, relationship with friends and partners and self confidence by making her aware that her problems lie in her childhood and once she re-lived them, she got the courage to face them. 

So, in conclusion, to actually fall in love with your Zindagi and live a fuller life, notice the things that affect you physically and emotionally and try to go back to its root cause. You can do this by PLRT, meditation or simply by journaling. Whatever works for you. I am always here to help.  Ending this blog with a beautiful quote from Dear Zindagi:

Happy healing! Do get in touch with me for more information on mmansukhani0@gmail.com

Hypnosis- Yay or Nay?

Now that we know a little about Past Life Regression Therapy, let us go a little deeper into this topic and talk about hypnosis!

If you are a movie buff like me, you would have seen hypnotism in some of them. Hypnotism is generally portrayed in a very negative light. We have been shown people being controlled physically and emotionally with the help of hypnosis. If you are a part of the group that believes hypnosis is negative and can be used to control or manipulate you, this blog is going to be a real eye opener for you!

Hypnosis, as verified by Daniel Block (MD certified psychiatrist, Pennsylvania), is a trance-like mental state in which people experience increased attention, concentration, and suggestibility. 

In Layman's terms, it is a state of deep relaxation same as the one you experience before sleep and after waking up. This state is also called a semi-sleep state and is very natural. 

Let me ask you a few questions:

• Have you ever felt extremely engrossed in a movie/web series and lost track of time?
• Have you ever gotten so indulged in a thought or a song that you drove to a wrong place instead of your destination?
• Have you ever zoned out while someone is talking to you and completely lost track of the conversation?

If your answer to even one of these questions is a yes then congratulations my friend, you have experienced hypnosis in your life. 

Let us study a bit about the Human Mind

Human mind is divided into three parts- conscious, subconscious and unconscious. Since unconscious is a state of deep sleep, we will be focusing on are the conscious and subconscious mind. 

         The above image shows the roles of our conscious and subconscious mind

In a non-hypnotic state, your conscious mind is the most active. Hypnotism is the state where your subconscious mind takes over your conscious mind and your concentration shifts to inside your body rather than the outside world. Subconscious mind holds your long-term memories of this life and beyond it. The idea of hypnosis is to suggest your subconscious mind to take you to the root cause of your problem. 

So surprise... it is not a magic pill that can allow someone to control you. In fact you are completely aware of what you are saying and what is happening around you in a hypnotic state since the conscious mind is still active. And guess what? You can lie or omit information too while being hypnotised- as a matter of fact, I have. Although it is not suggested since your therapist is supposed to know what you are experiencing to be able to guide you better but it is a possibility. That is how much you are actions are in your own control. 

How do we experience hypnotism?

I am trained to use music and breathing suggestions to induce hypnosis or trance state. Guided breathing, as used in most meditations, has the capability to slow your brain waves, relax your mind and body and hence make your subconscious mind more active than your conscious mind. This is called the Alpha state. This is where we are aiming to reach with hypnosis. 

Is it scary?

Well of course it is scary. Thanks to the movies, books and advertisements that have successfully ruined the understanding of hypnotism for us. But in reality, hypnotism is as natural as sleeping. We encounter a self-hypnotic state almost everyday in our lives and therapist-induced hypnosis is no different. With enough experience, you can learn to hypnotise yourself and connect deeper to your inner self. This helps in healing. 

As mentioned in the book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Joseph Murphy- in an alpha state or semi-sleep state, the subconscious mind has the ability to take suggestions very easily and once those suggestions are communicated to the subconscious, the mind works towards fulfilling it. For example: If in an alpha state, you suggest your mind to heal your backache, your mind will henceforth work towards it and make your pains better and ,with regular suggestion, eventually free you of the pain. 

Therefore, just like regular practise in cricket will make you a pro at it, regular suggestions to your mind will make you achieve your desired goals. 

I hope this blog gave you a better understanding of what hypnosis actually is. If you are 1% less skeptical about trying hypnotism on yourself, my goal is achieved!

Feel free to contact me on mmansukhani0@gmail.com for more information

An introduction to Past Life Regression Therapy

Hello and welcome to the very first blog of  रिiha- A step towards Liberation. This blog is an introduction to Past Life Regression Therapy. Hope you like it!

What is Past Life Regression Therapy?

Past life Regression Therapy or PLRT is a technique used to witness your past lives in order to cure a physical or mental issue or merely to explore and learn from your past. 

How does it work?

With the use of hypnotism, therapists take you to the time where your problem began- it could be a memory from your childhood, an in-utero memory (memory while you are in your mother's womb) or from a former life. The aim is to reach the time where the problem started and to heal it from its roots. PLRT is known to cure many diseases that modern medicine do not have a solution to. 

How was I introduced to it?

Two years ago, I was completely alien to the concept of PLRT. The whole concept of healing through hypnotism and meditation did not make sense to me. One day, I was introduced to this book called "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Dr Brian Weiss and my life has not been the same since then. 

A brief introduction to the book 

The author of the book, Dr Brian Weiss, is an American psychiatrist who has graduated from Columbia University and Yale Medical School. 

'Many Lives, Many Masters' is a story of Dr Brian's client- Catherine. Catherine approached Dr Brian for her issues of nightmares and anxiety. When traditional therapies did not work on her, Dr Brian decided to use hypnotism and what came next was a surprise to him as well. His client started witnessing past lives. This was a first for Dr Brian and to his surprise she started healing from her visions. He realised then that once you know that your issues are carried forward and you re-visit those memories, your mind starts releasing them. 

Since then Dr Brian has conducted various workshops and published multiple books highlighting the importance of past life regression therapy in order to heal oneself. 

Conclusion

To be honest, as interesting as I found the books and articles, I did not have 100% faith in it till I experienced it on my own at Amarantos. Amarantos is a Past life regression therapy centre in Bengaluru run by Dr Venu Murthy and Neha Murthy. Dr. Venu has more than a decade experience in the field of PLRT and has treated many people in the past. He also had the opportunity to attend Dr. Brian Weiss's workshop and I feel blessed to be given the opportunity to be personally trained by Venu.

My experiences at and after Amarantos made me realise how important it is to let go of the baggage that we are carrying not just since a few years or decades but probably since a few lifetimes. Hence, I introduce to you रिiha which is a Hindi word for "letting go". रिiha is a platform to understand PLRT, its process and its importance in order to heal and therefore live a fuller life. 

I will be writing more about PLRT and my personal experiences in the next blogs. Till then feel free to email me on mmansukhani0@gmail.com for any information or clarifications.