It is never enough (and it will never be!)

What is insecurity?

The definition of insecurity by Google is as follows- “Feeling uncertain or anxious about oneself”

Literally the word itself says that your "in" is not "secure". You feel unsafe and when you are not safe from inside, how can you expect to live a happy life? 

My story:

As a child, I used to always ask God- "Why am I so fat?" "Why is my hair so curly?" "What have I done to deserve acne all over my face?" "Why me?" etc etc. The list went on. To anyone who knew me personally would have never even imagined that I felt so insecure and lonely as a child. We all are well aware of the saying:- "Grass is always greener on the other side". This is absolutely true. The most common perspective about me was that I have everything and lived like a princess, some might even be jealous of the luxuries that I enjoyed but baby Mehak chose to focus only on the negatives instead of the positives. 

As I grew up, feeding my brain with all the negativity for all those years, it added to my personality. I became under-confident of the way I looked. I was always shy to talk to new people or even ask questions in class. I wanted to be unnoticeable. Hide in the crowd. I accepted whatever came to my life without understanding the difference between right and wrong. I even got a tattoo which says "Love Yourself First". Did it make me love myself? Absolutely not. 

My "Love Yourself First" tattoo in Arabic language

My first past life regression at Amarantos made me realise that the battle I was fighting was that of feeling lonely, which happens to be feeling that I am carrying since previous lifetimes (which is a story for another time). 

When I told this to my friends, they ridiculed me. They said that I have everything and it is foolish for me to feel lonely and insecure. They were absolutely right, all I needed to do now was to explain this to myself. I needed to focus on the green grass that everyone else could see which was somehow blurry to my own eyes. So I decided to take some steps and focus on my blessings instead of my curses.

Every day since I realised what is preventing me from living a fuller life, I decided to make some changes. I started accepting me the way I am and even loving myself. How do I do that?

• I write a gratitude journal. I try to pen down the things that I am grateful for. It could be as simple as breathing or as big as owning my favourite car.

• I indulge in self-love activities such as having a cup of tea in the morning. That 10 minute tea-time in my balcony feels so joyful and complete and I do not want to miss it for the world.  
  
  
  
  
  
• I indulge in physical activities such as yoga which does not only have an impact on my physical wellbeing but plays a major role in making my day positive, active and happy. 
  
  
  

• I meditate. Recently, I learnt that science has proven that if you meditate straight for 8 weeks, it changes the structure of your brain. It brings clarity to your life, makes you more capable of facing your challenges and prevents you from outside negativity. 
  
  
  
• I feed useful information to my brain. Besides reading the news highlights, I try to read self help books that make me feel good about myself. 
  
  
  
• I am starting to filter my news feed. I believe anything that does not motivate me or adds to my knowledge, does not need space in my mind or my social media. For example- If I am not a person who works out, watching pictures and videos of fitness gurus are just going to make me feel bad about myself. I would rather fill my page with something that makes me happy such as musicians and get updated about their latest album. I want technology to be my friend, not my enemy.
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Outcomes

By making these little changes in my day to day life, I am learning to accept myself the way that I am. I am learning to be confident in my mind and body. I no longer compare myself to the smartest person I know or the hottest girl I came across. The element of jealousy is slowly fading away. It is a journey and I am yet to hit the destination but I am halfway there. I want to focus on becoming better than I was yesterday rather than killing myself trying to be like somebody else. 

In fact, once I started feeling better mentally, I noticed changes in my physique also. I lost weight and my skin looked much better. I recently read an article on Elle magazine which points the relation between stress and acne and I can second that thought now. I believe your mental instability has a huge impact on the way your body looks. 

There is a little bit of me in all of you!

As I started interacting with more and more people, I realised I am not the only one feeling this way. We are all sailing in the same boat. Believe it or not, that super hot girl from your class might be suffering from social anxiety; that smartest friend that you have, who seems to know it all, might also be the loneliest. Somebody with straight hair envys a curly-haired girl ; somebody with a skinny figure envys those chubby cheeks and vice versa. We are all never satisfied with what we have. What we have is never enough. 

How do we overcome this?

I urge you to look inside and find out what is it that bothers you and work on it. I found the cause of my insecurities in my PLRT sessions. Your methods might be different from mine and that is ok. Everyone is different which is why we are called individuals. The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. The only person who's opinion matters is "You". You do not need to care about what others think of you or rather what you think that others think of you. Focus on feeling good and it will change the things around you. You will be able to spread positivity to your near and dear ones only if you feel positive from inside. 

It's not supposed to be that complicated. "Log Kya Kahenge" is an orthodox concept. Move on. Focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. Work on the things that will make you feel complete. Work towards your goals. If you feel dumb, read. If you are bored, pick a hobby. As Elon Musk (founder, CEO, CTO, and chief designer of SpaceX) said- "you can learn anything you want for free". Internet is full of information, use it to your advantage!

Always remember, the answers all lie within you. Even during past life regression, the therapists job is merely to relax you enough so you can reflect inside and listen to your own mind. Regression helps bring your troubles and fears to the surface and then we work together to find solutions to those problems. Nobody knows what you need except you. Learn to listen to yourself and take steps to love yourself the way you are. This journey is very long and there is no fun in living a half-hearted life. 

Conclusion

To conclude, I would like to say- What we have is not enough in our perspective (and it will never be) but from someone else's perspective it is much more than we need. So, stop complaining, start living!

👉 E-mail me at mmansukhani0@gmail.com for any questions or just to share what's on your mind. I am always here to help :)