It's all a game 🎲

The "What if" game

Have you ever played the "what if" game? I am sure you have. All of us have at one point of time. In fact most of us play it every single day. 

You may ask, Mehak what is the "what if" game?

I am glad you asked! What if game is the game that we play with our minds, almost on a daily basis, creating imaginary situations and finding hypothetical solutions to them. The best part about this game is that we can play it with both the past and the future scenarios. 

For example: What if I waited a few more months before breaking up? What if I took up that job offer that I rejected? What if I studied more in school? etc are examples of past scenarios. Whereas, What if I get fired? What if my partner cheats on me? What if they judge me for what I say? These are future scenarios. 

Look how fascinating this game is where we even find hypothetical solutions to our hypothetical issues. 

Let me give you my own examples. I used to work for a renowned OTT platform in India about two years ago. I quit the job after three months of being with the company and moved back to my native place. Moving back to a small town after living in the city of dreams (Mumbai) was hard and everyday I started questioning myself on my choice and wondered- "What if I had not quit my job?" 

A couple of things to note here: 

1: The deal is done, job is already gone. There is not much I can do about it in the present except hurt my mind and body thinking about what could have happened if I chose otherwise

2: I am completely ignoring the reasons of me leaving the job. My mind is filtering information and focusing on my boredom now instead of the fact that I did not like the work environment in my previous job

3: I am wasting my minds capacity and energy in my past instead of learning from it and planning a better future

4: I am imagining a fake happy scenario in case I was still working in that company instead of remembering how tired and insecure that job made me. 

Our mind is capable of doing this. It tends to live in a hypothetical situation instead of living in the present. And guess what? Those situations are not even making us feel better. I mean when you go to watch a movie, you expect to come out happy and satisfied with the content right? But in your own mind's movie, you are ending up feeling worse about the hero (yourself). How is this making sense?

The effects of the "What if" game?

This can lead to overthinking which in turn leads to headaches, insomnia, anger, guilt, depression, lack of energy etc to name a few. 

What can be done?

• Focus on why you made a decision in the past instead of focusing on what could have happened if you decided differently
• If you think you made a mistake, make sure to learn from it and avoid it in the future
• Use these warnings of your brain to be better prepared for the future. For example: If you are worried about losing your job, start saving
• Take a chance- Life is nothing without risks. It is said that sometimes the hardest choices we make end up being the best thing we could have ever done for ourselves

                                                

• Weigh your options- Calculate the worse thing and the best thing that can happen if your "What if" actually comes true and then be prepared for both. Any result in between wont be as hard to accept then

• Change the rules of your game- Above is a list of a few "what if" questions. Will you be willing to invest your time and energy thinking about these all day? No right? The questions seem so silly and totally not relatable to our lives. Similarly, life is uncertain, in fact we do not know what will happen to us the next day or even the next minute, then why waste time thinking about the hypothetical future? Instead, frame your questions for the present. These questions will actually matter and make a difference to our lives

A few examples of present "What if's"

• Change the game- There is a beautiful observation that I read in the book - "A monk who sold his Ferrari" by Robin Sharma. It says that our mind is able to hold only one thought at a time, so try to consciously change your negative thought to a positive one. Change your "What if" thought to a gratitude thought. It can make you feel better instantly. 

"What if" and Covid-19

Background story

As a kid, I had a fear of needles. Whenever my parents used to take me for blood tests or vaccinations, I used to start crying before the needle even touched my skin. I used to imagine a very painful scenario in my head and when the actual scenario took place, it was nowhere close to that pain in my head. This made me realise that our minds have the power to magnify situations which in turn creates fear for something which is not even supposed to be painful/unbearable. I have kept this learning pinned to my head now to overcome my fear of needles. 

A recent picture of me getting injected

Similarly, but on a much larger scale, in these difficult times that our country is facing, the what if game has the power to destroy a person. 

We all must have noticed that all the physical illnesses have the capacity to start or expand because of negative mental thoughts. Thinking about what would happen instead of what is actually happening is a mistake most of us are making even while dealing with Covid. Since, I have not experienced it first-handedly, I am sharing below the experiences of my friends and family who went through it. 

A family member of mine faced a similar situation where he said that his symptoms were not very severe but he developed a negative mindset and since then has started getting scared of being alone. The isolation and the probably the thought "What if I am always alone?" made him manifest these fears.

On the contrary, a friend of mine took a beautiful step to keep her Covid-positive parents away from the negativity of the society. She disconnected their phones to shut them from sympathetic calls and fake Whatsapp forwards and saw improvements in them in just 4 days (with the help of nutritious food and medicine ofcourse). 

Often people around us have an impact on the "what-if's" in our minds. For example: There was a whatsapp rumour that circulated which said that women on periods should not get vaccinated. Now the women who did might have developed a fear- "What if the rumour is true?" This can create panic. Best way is to ignore these sources and trust only verified sources for information.

I also believe that a Covid patient with a strong mental state will be able to recover much faster than a negative minded person. If an 60-year patient gets Covid and people feed in his mind that due to his age his recovery is impossible, his mind and fear can kill him even before Covid does. 

One such example!

A few things to learn here- 

1) Do not believe in unverified sources and Whatsapp forwards  

2) Do not spread these rumours based on word of mouth or Whatsapp. Be the one to block this chain of misinformation

3) A positive mindset can aid in recovery

My Fear of Covid-19

When one of the people I was in contact with was detected positive, my mind started showing me all the symptoms which were not actually present in my body. Fear did this to me. I developed fever and pain in my throat assuming that I might be positive too. In panic, I started popping pills and taking vitamins as prescribed to the actual Covid patients. To my surprise, it all went away as soon as I got my negative report. This was my own experience with the fear of Covid-19. 

Our mind has the capacity to make or break us. In fact a lot of doctors are also advising to keep calm and not let fear get the best of us. Fear has the capability to make the symptoms look far bigger than they are. 

(Please note that I am nowhere encouraging not to take doctors consultations/advices or ignore actual Covid symptoms)

How can PLRT help?

As mentioned in my previous blog, PLRT is nothing but finding answers to the questions that lie deeply rooted in your subconscious mind. So if you are unable to use the methods mentioned above and there are still certain "What if's" stuck in your mind that are preventing you from living happily, you can use PLRT to dig deep into your mind and find its answers and then finally let the thought go and focus on your present instead. 

Do let me know a few "What if's" that you are facing on mmansukhani0@gmail.com, just to share the load. Wishing you all a very positive Sunday 😊

It is never enough (and it will never be!)

What is insecurity?

The definition of insecurity by Google is as follows- “Feeling uncertain or anxious about oneself”

Literally the word itself says that your "in" is not "secure". You feel unsafe and when you are not safe from inside, how can you expect to live a happy life? 

My story:

As a child, I used to always ask God- "Why am I so fat?" "Why is my hair so curly?" "What have I done to deserve acne all over my face?" "Why me?" etc etc. The list went on. To anyone who knew me personally would have never even imagined that I felt so insecure and lonely as a child. We all are well aware of the saying:- "Grass is always greener on the other side". This is absolutely true. The most common perspective about me was that I have everything and lived like a princess, some might even be jealous of the luxuries that I enjoyed but baby Mehak chose to focus only on the negatives instead of the positives. 

As I grew up, feeding my brain with all the negativity for all those years, it added to my personality. I became under-confident of the way I looked. I was always shy to talk to new people or even ask questions in class. I wanted to be unnoticeable. Hide in the crowd. I accepted whatever came to my life without understanding the difference between right and wrong. I even got a tattoo which says "Love Yourself First". Did it make me love myself? Absolutely not. 

My "Love Yourself First" tattoo in Arabic language

My first past life regression at Amarantos made me realise that the battle I was fighting was that of feeling lonely, which happens to be feeling that I am carrying since previous lifetimes (which is a story for another time). 

When I told this to my friends, they ridiculed me. They said that I have everything and it is foolish for me to feel lonely and insecure. They were absolutely right, all I needed to do now was to explain this to myself. I needed to focus on the green grass that everyone else could see which was somehow blurry to my own eyes. So I decided to take some steps and focus on my blessings instead of my curses.

Every day since I realised what is preventing me from living a fuller life, I decided to make some changes. I started accepting me the way I am and even loving myself. How do I do that?

• I write a gratitude journal. I try to pen down the things that I am grateful for. It could be as simple as breathing or as big as owning my favourite car.

• I indulge in self-love activities such as having a cup of tea in the morning. That 10 minute tea-time in my balcony feels so joyful and complete and I do not want to miss it for the world.  
  
  
  
  
  
• I indulge in physical activities such as yoga which does not only have an impact on my physical wellbeing but plays a major role in making my day positive, active and happy. 
  
  
  

• I meditate. Recently, I learnt that science has proven that if you meditate straight for 8 weeks, it changes the structure of your brain. It brings clarity to your life, makes you more capable of facing your challenges and prevents you from outside negativity. 
  
  
  
• I feed useful information to my brain. Besides reading the news highlights, I try to read self help books that make me feel good about myself. 
  
  
  
• I am starting to filter my news feed. I believe anything that does not motivate me or adds to my knowledge, does not need space in my mind or my social media. For example- If I am not a person who works out, watching pictures and videos of fitness gurus are just going to make me feel bad about myself. I would rather fill my page with something that makes me happy such as musicians and get updated about their latest album. I want technology to be my friend, not my enemy.
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Outcomes

By making these little changes in my day to day life, I am learning to accept myself the way that I am. I am learning to be confident in my mind and body. I no longer compare myself to the smartest person I know or the hottest girl I came across. The element of jealousy is slowly fading away. It is a journey and I am yet to hit the destination but I am halfway there. I want to focus on becoming better than I was yesterday rather than killing myself trying to be like somebody else. 

In fact, once I started feeling better mentally, I noticed changes in my physique also. I lost weight and my skin looked much better. I recently read an article on Elle magazine which points the relation between stress and acne and I can second that thought now. I believe your mental instability has a huge impact on the way your body looks. 

There is a little bit of me in all of you!

As I started interacting with more and more people, I realised I am not the only one feeling this way. We are all sailing in the same boat. Believe it or not, that super hot girl from your class might be suffering from social anxiety; that smartest friend that you have, who seems to know it all, might also be the loneliest. Somebody with straight hair envys a curly-haired girl ; somebody with a skinny figure envys those chubby cheeks and vice versa. We are all never satisfied with what we have. What we have is never enough. 

How do we overcome this?

I urge you to look inside and find out what is it that bothers you and work on it. I found the cause of my insecurities in my PLRT sessions. Your methods might be different from mine and that is ok. Everyone is different which is why we are called individuals. The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself at the end of the day. The only person who's opinion matters is "You". You do not need to care about what others think of you or rather what you think that others think of you. Focus on feeling good and it will change the things around you. You will be able to spread positivity to your near and dear ones only if you feel positive from inside. 

It's not supposed to be that complicated. "Log Kya Kahenge" is an orthodox concept. Move on. Focus on what you have rather than what you don't have. Work on the things that will make you feel complete. Work towards your goals. If you feel dumb, read. If you are bored, pick a hobby. As Elon Musk (founder, CEO, CTO, and chief designer of SpaceX) said- "you can learn anything you want for free". Internet is full of information, use it to your advantage!

Always remember, the answers all lie within you. Even during past life regression, the therapists job is merely to relax you enough so you can reflect inside and listen to your own mind. Regression helps bring your troubles and fears to the surface and then we work together to find solutions to those problems. Nobody knows what you need except you. Learn to listen to yourself and take steps to love yourself the way you are. This journey is very long and there is no fun in living a half-hearted life. 

Conclusion

To conclude, I would like to say- What we have is not enough in our perspective (and it will never be) but from someone else's perspective it is much more than we need. So, stop complaining, start living!

👉 E-mail me at mmansukhani0@gmail.com for any questions or just to share what's on your mind. I am always here to help :)